Also it causes all, both small and great, both rich and poor, both free and slave, to be marked on the right hand or the forehead,so that no one can buy or sell unless he has the mark, that is, the name of the beast or the number of its name. This calls for wisdom: let him who has understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number, its number is six hundred and sixty-six.

The Book of Revelation 13:16-18

I have submitted, I have been taken over, I am defeated! Or am I? I am now the proud owner…of a SMARTPHONE!! My first one in 6 years. In 2019 I rebelled. I said no more to that intruder into our lives. I went out and bought a Nokia 800 Tough. Have I changed my mind on the smartphone? No! I still consider them to be the Spawn of the Devil, the Mark of the Beast – 666, as without the mark you will not be able to buy or sell. So what happened? Am I a hypocrite?

Although I prided myself on the use of a ‘dumbphone,’ I made sure that the said phone had WhatsApp on it. WhatsApp was the messaging app that many of my friends and family were using. Last year it was announced that of January this year WhatsApp would no longer be available to phones using the Kai operating system (Nokia) or those with Android 4.4 or below. In a panic I frantically searched for a ‘dumbphone’ that still has WhatsApp on it. I thought I had found one, rushed to buy and waited nearly two weeks for it to wind its weary way to County Offaly from China. I was disappointed. It was a seriously chunky affair which led to my speculating as to whether it was stuffed with explosives in a like manner to the pagers of Hezbollah so stuffed by Mossad. It worked, to begin with, but I was soon told that it was really a smartphone as the small screen was indeed a touch screen and it could support ‘Apps’…which is supposedly the definition of a smartphone. I carried on in my disappointment, trying to convince myself that it was indeed a ‘dumbphone.’ I even marveled at its very bright torch which came in handy during the recent power cuts from Storm Eowyn. Then, low and behold, it stopped working…it died…completely. I was unable to sum up any outrage (other than a brief idea to run over it with the tractor) and demand compensation from the Chinese Government. I was not disappointed….good riddance I exclaimed! But I was left with a dilemma, what to do next. The WhatsApp dumbphone had become an oxymoron. It was the time to say goodbye to either the dumbphone or to WhatsApp.

I spent a whole day mulling over my dilemma. The trouble with holding on to moral positions, such as this, which are vastly out of step with everyone else, including my fellow Christians, it makes demands on you which are really sometimes virtually impossible to keep. I was told by someone reassuringly that there is nothing wrong with a smartphone, it’s just how we use it that counts. Yes I will try and only use it for what I want to use it for, for making phone calls, sending SMS text messages and WhatsApp! But is the smartphone objectively a bad thing? I still think it is.

I want to engage with anything computer related when I choose to by going to my laptop and using it. I don’t want a phone in my pocket ringing, buzzing, flashing, pinging the next notification in demand that I use it when it tells me too. We are now into the second season at Arsenal Stadium where you need an e-ticket on a smartphone to go and watch a match. I have had a Revolut account for a few years now. I recently tried to check my balance on the laptop and found that I could not because I needed an update that could only be accessed on the smartphone app! The same happened with the laptop messenger app, I needed an update to use it that could only be accessed on a smartphone. Take an event like a concert nowadays, with most of the audience holding their phones in the air to record the show…living for a repeat and not living to enjoy the moment and the friends one is with.

Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give alms; provide yourselves with purses that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Luke 12:32-34

God’s message is timeless – it doesn’t need updates. But you can subject it to the odd hermeneutic paraphrase…’provide yourselves with a phone that does not constantly need updating!’ Or maybe we can just put our store in the treasures that God has given us directly. Don’t look for the latest message on whatsapp or the latest breaking news when you wake up…go out and watch the sunrise.

Often the idea of being ‘progressive’ means accepting that all change is good. Even when the pace of change has increased exponentially. I really don’t think that this is just because I am getting older, although I appreciate that in ones latter years one has the tendency to get nostalgic. I really do think that we have lost that fine balance between progress and conservation that is needed for a healthy society. I guess that is why I embrace conservatism in so many areas of life. If we can fully appreciate the unchanging good things that are around us we will not be constantly on a search for the latest new thing. At the end of the day we have to ask ourselves has the smartphone enhanced our ability to relate to others in healthy ways. Does the smartphone enable us to flourish, to be content, to live in peace and happiness. I don’t see much evidence for the affirmative. Maybe one day I will go back to dumbphone use again, or maybe no mobile phone use! (whatever happened to the stationary phone?) In the meantime, as for my new smartphone, I hope the cursed thing stays in my desk drawer for most of the day.