I have another fly story to tell (since the last one – I Fly with My Little Eye). I have a new friend – a fly. His name is “Dhubabatan” (ذبابة). I keep him in the bathroom. Some people may think I am cruel and have genocidal motives towards flies. This is not true. I keep him in the bathroom because this arrangement is best for both of us. I keep him in the bathroom and make sure that my solid wooden bathroom door is firmly shut. If he escapes I close the curtains on my bedroom’s outside window (my bathroom is windowless) and turn off the bedroom lights. I turn on the big fluorescent light in the bathroom and leave the door wide open. He willingly returns, as he seems to love the light, and I more than willingly close the door firmly behind him…creating a boundary between myself and the fly.

I do this as I would like to be friends. I know that if I let him fly about my room he will buzz around my head and irritate me. This could well result in me grabbing the first available item with which to swat him in great annoyance. So now he is a friendly fly behind the barrier of my bathroom door. I go into the bathroom to use the facilities and I look for him. I talk to him and get to know him, watching his behaviour. I was sat on the toilet the other day and he came hopping along the floor. He buzzed up onto my white ‘Jesus Loves Me’ sock (I think he liked the whiteness and was not looking for instruction on John 3:16 – but you never know) and stayed there until I moved slightly. He was perched by a little blob of water on the floor yesterday and I wondered, ‘do flies drink water?’ I always ask him how he is when I go into the bathroom and maintain our conversation by telling him all my woes. He responds by gently buzzing around in satisfaction. I like to think that we have become friends.

Yes I am probably quite mad – and you may be mad for continuing to read this. But maybe in our madness we can find wisdom? I used to assume, like many, that the primary way of establishing good relationships was to ‘tear down walls’ and ‘build bridges.’ Over time, wisdom has taught me that it is equally important to have good solid boundaries. To ‘guard my heart’ and not be an open space for anyone else to traverse. Because I have a boundary I can feel safe and be myself. I can rest in the assurance than I am not going to be manipulated or exploited. When I have these things I can engage more successfully with others. So sometimes we have to ‘build walls’ and ‘burn bridges.’ This applies to all spheres of human life from the personal to the relationship between families, communities and nations. There is a saying which goes, ‘good fences make good neighbours.’ I remember a funny incident at my first lodgings in Southampton. My landlord, in making his fence good decided to spray it with creosote. Neglecting to look over the fence he inadvertently sprayed the next door neighbour’s white bed sheets that were hanging out to dry! Being the good neighbour he was, he promptly called over and offered to pay for replacement sheets. Another lesson here being that you have to look beyond the barrier too! It is good to know where you stand, then you can better respect other people (and flies) in where they stand.

I think we need many the boundary of a closed door with a ‘no entry’ sign. First man was told not to eat of the tree of the knowledge good and evil. He ate anyway…then the trouble started. Our original sin of wanting to ‘know it all’ and be the one in charge removed the boundary that allowed God to be in charge. Doors with ‘no entry’ signs are good for us. We need them…the door of ‘do not steal’, ‘do not bear false witness’ and ‘do not fornicate’ are just as relevant for us today as when they were first proclaimed. We are called to put up barriers of self-control as a means to living more fully. They are there not to control us, not to stop us enjoying ourselves, but to exponentially improve all our relationships. The relationship we have with ourselves, with others and ultimately with God. Barriers and boundaries, in their many forms, are essentially a good thing – physical, spiritual and emotional. Let us not lose them.

Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23