Not all theophanies are nice! I enjoy working in the garden. I like to be physically active and co-creating with God! I haven’t been doing much creating lately, just a lot of clearing. But clearing has to be done…out with the old before in with the new. Clearing out the old can sometimes be a painful process – especially when you’re looking to dump off that old stuff somewhere!

I found myself working outside the back of the monastery at Glenstal recently. I needed to look for a new site to dump the garden waste. At the start of where the garden meets the forest I thought I’d found the perfect place already occupied by some decaying branches. I tipped over the wheelbarrow, pressed it down and lifted it back. Then it happened! I was struck – struck by what appeared like a swirling tornado of bees, flying top speed, directly aiming for me! The horror struck when I felt the first sting, then the second, then the third…the wheelbarrow was left by the side of the path, I pirouetted in my soil stuck boots and ran. I ran, ran away as fast as I could from the terrifying scene, slapping at my body and punching at the air around me. I had one quick glance behind me and they were still there – chasing me like determined Spitfires in an aerial battle to repel the invading Messerschmitt! I ran all the way to the monastery reception, slapping as I went. Inside I tried to feel the relief of having reached the safety of indoors but all I could feel was the pain of the incessant stings. I looked up and two of them had followed me in. Still in pain from the stinging I ripped off my T-shirt and out one flew, then I spotted a second and finally a third. At last it was over, but the hurt remained for days.

It transpired that they were wasps, not bees. I thought that they were bees because we were in the vicinity of the monastery hives. I learned something new (well I was in the ‘school of the Lord’s service’ or as one homilist put it recently, “the special education school.”). Wasps are ground nesters, so be careful where you dump…other creatures may not appreciate it! I have always wondered about wasps (and horse-flies!), what is the point of their existence other than to annoy us. But then maybe an acceptance of not knowing the point of their existence is part of my lesson. A lesson that teaches me that life stings, life annoys! Tread carefully on the earth my brothers and sisters as there are forces out there ready to attack you.

Now on to the beautifully profound theophany presented to me by my fellow human beings. I entered the church for Sunday mass, as often I do, carrying a burden. A family of eight came and sat in the row in front of me. Mother, Father, three small boys, two older girls and a baby fast asleep in its car seat. Goodness gracious, I thought, I remember it being hard enough to keep control over two small children at mass, let alone six! But the parents did it brilliantly. When you have a large family the children can mind each other. The father had the youngest two boys on his lap. The eldest boy had a book to look at and the eldest of the girls sat next to him, keeping a good eye on him. The youngest girl, sat at the end of the pew, would gently rock the car seat if the baby stirred in any way. The mother was free of any responsibility, at this time, she was immersed in prayer. Just before the consecration the baby began to cry. The younger girl lifted the baby out of its seat and passed it to the mother. The mother very discreetly drew a shawl over herself and positioned the baby at her breast. The crying baby quickly settled. It was so beautiful to see and it happened at the exact moment of consecration. “Let your spirit come upon these gifts, that they may become the body and blood of Christ,” proclaimed the priest. Like the baby, the cry of my own heart was met with the all sufficient consolation of God’s presence and of feeding me with his body and blood. In that moment I had nothing to fear. I was protected, loved and empowered. All concerns that I carried into mass dissipated in that moment. The memory of it still hovers over me when I contemplate the divine mysteries.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a child quieted at its mother’s breast; like a child that is quieted is my soul. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and for evermore.

Psalm 131:2,3

Finally we have the third, what I will call an affirming theophany. It had been a hot day and I had been working in the garden. In fact it was too hot to carry on working after lunch so I decided to go for a walk. I felt drawn to walk the path around the Chapel Lake. At the top end of the lake opposite the bridge, I sat down to dwell on the scene and to give thanks to God for being in such a beautiful place. I had my rucksack on the ground in front of me. After a while down flew a butterfly, a Red Admiral, and settled on top of the rucksack facing me. I sensed it looking straight at me. I began, as is my want sometimes, to gently speak to it (for those of you worried about my mental health, it didn’t speak back!) It stayed there looking at me, for about five minutes and then flew off, swirling around in the clear, sun-lit sky. I felt that God was affirming something in reference to a group of women I know who had been praying for me. They all said that my time in Mount St Joseph Abbey seemed to be as if I was in a cocoon. I thought that maybe this was an invitation to now be a butterfly for God! Even though I can’t fly, I can try, I can try and allow my soul to fly and let Him do the rest.

For those of you who think that being a butterfly for God is all rather too twee and yucky…I am with you! I come from a place of intense distrust and cynicism. But Jesus is leading us all to new places if we allow him. We will be changed from one degree of glory to another (2 Corinthians 3:18 ). Go in, enter those places that look completely new and feel very uncomfortable, He is leading us. Seek the presence of Jesus in everything and he will seek and find you.

The Chapel Lake

Glenstal Abbey